http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/05/what-i-want-you-to-know-about-aids?currentPage=1

I suddenly saw clearly the salto mortale back flip I so often try to make. The contrast between being secure and being independent is a somersault that is near impossible to make, but I keep trying anyway.

I don’t ask for anything from anyone for fear of dependency, but I do so long for a soft place to fall.

I have been trying boldly to do the double twisted back flip somersault without any form of direct help or safety net. It has made me take a long time to get to where I am now and it did not get me there unscathed. You might say I took the road less traveled, but by the same token you could say I was too fearful to go where my spirit wanted to take me. Looking back it was (and still is) the fear of judgment, judgment of others and my own.

Lately this blog has been a big pounding match, judgments flying back and forth. Judgments sugarcoated as good advice and judgment as brutal knockout upper cuts deliberately hurtful, judgments a repercussions for choices people made. So instead of this being a place for self reflection in safety, a soft place to fall, this has become a place to fear.

For me it is a bit like a porcelain cup that has fallen off the shelf and broken in two, you can try to glue it back together and even do so with great result, you might even drink from it again, but the crack is there, seen or unseen.

I do sincerely hope that all find there soft place to fall and find it in their hearts to let others find theirs. If it is given I will take up the opportunity to blog again with fellow travelers. Till then I’ll travel alone for a bit, knit myself a safety net and try the double twisted back flip one more time, now armed with the knowledge that there is no such thing as security or failure in trying.

Moving on Softly

It can be far too easy to have a light bulb moment and the turn the light back out again. Although you cannot un-known thing, you can choose to ignore.

I have been ignoring some sights I have seen in me, deeming them to hard to follow up on or just too confusing or plain to painful. I have labeled my procrastination laziness or fear and even sensible at times, but the nagging feeling remained. The feeling of me missing out, the not living up to the potential of my authentic self.

I know fulfillment does not lay in things or others, nor in places or in wealth. Fulfillment lays within not without (no pun intended here)

When you, like me, have been seeking for so long it seems quite stupid to turn a blind eye when you find. But blindness has its bright side, it is relatively safe. Opening your eyes and acting upon it can feel a lot like walking the high wire without a net.

So he ho there I go. Although I carved this road out in my head many times and I had some trial runs, the leap was always way to big or to scary and I lacked the trust. But all that prepared me for this moment, this twist in the road.

So He Ho there I go… Whish me well.

I’ll remain forever learning Sofly

As for all the vicious, cruel comments and the people making them, as you rightly have said, free will, and I totally agree and quote “go someplace else or STFU!!!

Peace